Until the Craftsman Truck Series starts up again for the coming season, we usually have our television set to watch episodes of ‘Monk’ on Friday evenings. For those of you unfamiliar with this character, he is yet another quirky detective; but what sets him apart from the rest is his severe case of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Adrian Monk makes Felix Unger look like the sloppy half of ‘The Odd Couple’.

As a family who actually has members with this disorder, there is the chance we would be offended by this characterization (as we have been of other characters that make fun of the disabilities that touch our lives). While Monk’s obsessions are played for laughs, the underlying feeling you have for him is not disdain, but compassion. He is clearly played as a very intelligent, likeable man who struggles with the disorder that he carries, one that affects his life in a myriad of ways. A continuing storyline is his inability to accept the death of his beloved wife, Trudy. The show does a very successful job of showing how someone who is genetically-wired to be obsessive even about the most mundane things can be nearly incapacitated by the devastating thoughts that follow the death of a loved one. We find that the actor who plays Monk, Tony Shalhoub, and the writers of the show, have done a wonderful job of showcasing the humor and the pathos of being afflicted with a tough disorder to live with; and the reactions of those who live and work with an afflicted person.

As the minds of NASCAR fans do during the dreaded off-season, ours has wondered about any old thing that might have to do with racing. After watching another episode this past Friday evening we got to imagining how Mr. Monk might do if he had a case that took him to the Daytona 500. How would the impeccably-dressed germaphobic handle the noise, sights, and smells?

We believe Mr. Monk could never handle the crush of race-day traffic, and we also had to reject the idea that he would be flown in by helicopter to solve any case (neither form of transportation would be tolerated by our favorite detective). We also worry he would be too intimidated by the tunnel to the track to enter it, so he would need to be let in another way. Therefore, the crime that would occur requiring his presence could not be on a race day; and the crime scene could not be in an area that is only accessed by tunnels, or at a high elevation like a spotters’ roof.

If the crime scene were on the track following a race, we imagine he would beg for a broom to sweep up the leftover black marbles and hot dog wrappers, and somberly point out to the track’s caretakers where the tiniest imperfections in the white-painted walls are located. If the crime scene were in the stands following a race, we can only imagine his horror at the site of empty cans, dirty napkins, and spilled food. And imagine his reaction if the victim’s body were located on the Daytona 500 logo painted in the grass, especially if a driver had joyfully done donuts through it before going to Victory Lane?

Speaking of Victory Lane, let’s hope that any corpses that are discovered there do so before a winning celebration. We can only imagine Mr. Monk’s feelings about puddles of Gatorade, cola, beer, and/or sticky Champagne littered with the fallout from lots of blown confetti.

Examining the crime scene if it occurred in the pit area would be nearly impossible for our meticulous detective, with all of those stains on the concrete and the heavy scent of fuel.

On the other hand, wouldn’t he make the toughest inspector for those pre-race inspections? Imagine if, in order to catch the killer, he had to dress up as an inspector and participate in the inspection process prior to the Daytona 500? What a hoot to picture him meticulously placing the templates on the cars, and calling out crew chiefs for being 1/1,000,000,000th off of protocol. Or for not passing a car for having a dirty dashboard; or tearing off all of the window tear-offs because they were a little dusty. The possibilities are endless, and one thing is certain: no driver would pass inspection for the first time in the history of the sport.

Even the conclusion of the show could be a hoot: as the show wraps up, the King, Richard Petty, could come out to thank Mr. Monk for clearing him of the murder and setting things right. Mr. Monk would be in awe of being in the presence of such a legend of racing history, and be smiling in that awkward way… until Petty would reach out his hand to shake our proud detective’s. One glimpse of the fingernails of a lifetime racer would have Mr. Monk turning white and hiding his hands in his pockets, and backing up to hide behind Natalie.

Wipies, anyone?